Friday, April 10, 2020

Gray hair coming in HOT

Has anyone else had to come to grips with how much gray hair you actually have in the last few weeks? NO? Just me? Ok. I needed some color before we even went into shelter in place but a move, a job in Boston and then a complete shutdown of all no-essential services (Um that depends on who you ask) thwarted my getting into Kay’s chair in FiDI. SO here I am, easily 3 weeks past due and oh hey look at all those grays! The funny thing is it depends on where I part my hair as to how much presents itself. I have a lovely little patch right on the top of my head just past my hairline. So there will be no trendy mid parts in my foreseeable future. But if I go just a bit off center to the left you can barely see them. Although I am getting more and more around the temple, ear area so there is that.
     I don’t even so much mind my grays. Yes it signals that I am not “young” anymore, well not in the 20-30 years young, but it doesn’t make me feel OLD. I like how I feel when I’ve been freshened up. Whether thats a fresh haircut, or fun highlights or dark chocolate brown all over or even that one time I put fire engine red streaks in. Hair is an easy thing to change when you feel it in your bones that you need to make a change but aren’t ready to jump off that cliff you’re standing on. It always make me feel like I am in control of something when my life feels out of control. I am notorious for finding a style I like in a magazine, on Pinterest, in an elevator (yes I snapped a pick of a girl's hair I liked in an elevator once) and bringing it to my stylist and saying “let’s do this”. The stylists who have tried to talk me out of it haven’t lasted long, but the ones who know I mean it when I say “it’s fine it will grow back” and go with it, I’ve had long working relationships with. It’s just hair for crying out loud. I’ve never understood the women who have the same haircut for most of their life. We all change and grow over the years and I feel like my hair is a part of who I am and speaks to each time in my life in a way.
     I had not had short hair in years because my Was-Band preferred long hair, at least on me he did, so I kept it long while we were together. But you better believe when I filed for divorce one of the first stops was my stylist's chair and within hours I had a short piecey blonde streaked chin length bob by the end of the afternoon and I absolutely LOVED it. It was exactly what I wanted. Just the type of F-U a major breakup requires. I’ve had one or two cuts over the years that while cute just didn’t quite feel like “me” but I don’t regret them. Regret is too big a word for a dang haircut. They grow out, you try something you see on someone else, you find one you like and play with variations on that for a while and then move onto something new and different. At least that’s how I do it. Thats how I do a lot of my life. 
     Right now my hair is long and while I love it long, I don’t have the energy to actually style it that regularly, especially right now when even though we aren’t really doing a whole lot with our days, the emotional weight of the situation just sucks the life out of me. I’m keeping up with my workouts to keep my sanity so the idea of having to blow dry my hair after a shower each day is not that appealing. Although I am sure the messy bun I seem to sport each day is more of testament to my not feeling my best than the grays we started this story with. I think I was really looking forward to getting some lighter pieces put in on my next appointment to usher in the warmer weather I was sure was coming.  Now I am all about learning how to do new things and yes I did watch a Youtube video so I could give Scott a trim but one thing I will not do is color my own hair. I have cut my own bangs before to my own surprised success but I have good hair and I, in no want to destroy it by screwing up with color. Highlights are especially tricky as I have warm, orangey undertones and if you don’t strip that stuff to blonde, I hate how it turns out. There is a very fine line between orange and white blonde and fried. No thank you…..I will work on my patience and get by with a little help from my friend root spray. 


It's coming. Slowly but surely. Waking from a long slumber to bloom brightly once again. 

Who else looks forward to sitting together at tables like these?

Tuesday, February 25, 2020

The two faces of running

This is basically my two faces of running. Super happy, having a great time, enjoying every minute and gutting it out through the hard miles, having a great time, enjoying every minute. Just because it's hard doesn't mean you can't enjoy the moment. Sometimes the hard is the best part. You can surprise yourself. I read a quote today that said "your body is in better shape than your mind thinks." It's so true. Your mind will tell you to quit long before your body really needs to quit. Isn't that true in life as well. How about today you tell your mind to SHHHHHHH and just go for it, whatever that is for you.⁠⠀

5 Freaking 0

Haaaaa I wrote this in September and apparently forgot I had tried to get into the NY marathon last year. Well I didn't forget but I didn't get in so I let it simmer for a few more months. And now it's the end of February and I'm 5 weeks away from Paris. WOW! I've been training and reading about training and doing lots of recovering because.....50. But PARIS IS 5 WEEKS AWAY!!! I'm getting so excited!! 

"I'm turning 50 this year. It's such a weird statement to make because I don't feel half a century old. Not even on my tough days do I feel almost 50. But it's a milestone birthday so naturally I have people asking me "what are you doing for your 50th?" I've gone back and forth between a big party in NYC with family and friends to trips to Morocco and Italy and everywhere in between. The only problem is that my birthday is on December 29th and this is the first year in 49 that being born on that day has caused me stress. I never minded it even though its right between Christmas and New Years and I never got to have a party at school because we were always on vacation. My mom was always great about keeping it a separate event from Christmas so I never felt lost in the holiday shuffle. But in trying to decide how to celebrate the Big 5-0 I determined that ⁠
A. NYC is expensive, in December especially, so people won't come.⁠
B. People want to be with their families on holidays, so that ruled out a trip. ⁠
What if you throw a party and nobody comes? Not even the two people who got you here in the first place...ouch. ⁠
SO, instead I registered to run the Paris Marathon in April of 2020. It's been on my proverbial Bucket List for 15 years, thwarted by a foot surgery in 2007. I am going to push this 50 year old body to run the streets of Paris for 26.2 miles and all the miles it will take to get me there. It's been a while since I pushed my physical and mental limits and it is time. So here's to the 5 (freaking) 0, I'm coming for you."

Tuesday, February 5, 2019

Run for your Life (or at least your sanity)

     It's been 10 year since I ran my first and only marathon. I was barely a year off a major foot surgery and hardly running at all but I thought it was a good idea to sign up with Team In Training and just go for it. I thought my best friend who was also my trainer at the time was going to kill me when I told her because she had had to listen to me whine and complain about my slow recovery and general mental drama over not being back to 100% for the last 10 months. Running is in my blood. It makes me sane. I do not do well when I am not capable of running. Being a slacker and choosing not to run is a whole other story but being physically unable to lace up and get out my head for awhile is torture for me (and probably most of the people around me). But all that to say I did it! I ran 26.2 miles in San Francisco in the fall of 2009 and it was amazing. An experience that completely changed me as a person. I was stronger than I'd ever been mentally and physically. I had set a challenging goal and not only completed it but actually had a really great time in the process.
    I've run a few half marathons in the years since then but admittedly a full takes up a very large chunk or your life when you're training. A half is much more manageable for me and the lifestyle I lead especially in the years I was dating my now husband long distance. But a few weeks ago I had an epiphany that I shared with my husband Scott. I believe I have 2 more marathons in me. One is Paris. That has always been on my Bucket List. I had signed up for it the year I found out I had to have surgery on my foot and ironically its was the Sunday before my surgery on Monday in 2008. Instead of sipping champagne after floating to the finish up the Champs-Elysees I was painting my toes for the last pedicure I would have for months and crying in my bubbles. Ok maybe not that dramatic but I was heartbroken and Paris had to be put back on the list for awhile. Since I am turning 50 this year I think next April in Paris will be the perfect way to celebrate my half centennial.
      The other marathon I have in me is New York. I don't have the speed for Boston nor do I want to upend my whole life in order to acquire the speed for Boston. Besides it's NY that has my heart. I remember watching Meb win the NY Marathon the year before I moved to the City, so inspired by that giant smile as he crossed the finish line in Central Park. My first year after moving here I made my way up to the Park on Marathon day, even though it was freezing and joined the crowds at the last half mile mark to cheer and scream for runners who were so close to their goal. I knew how good they felt (and how bad) and how exhilarating that last 3-4 minutes is!
     So last night, we are sitting in bed and Scott leans over to share a post on his instagram feed. The lottery for this years New York Marathon opened today and at 1:43 I threw my hat in the ring and then I took my butt over to Equinox and got on the treadmill. I've been running more regularly and I am ready to build a base until I find out if I get in. On the treadmill I got so excited and I realized that what makes my heart sing is a challenge and especially one that involves running.  I've been feeling stuck and this feels like the perfect way to push past my comfort zone and get out of my own way (and head). So here we go!  

Saturday, March 16, 2013

Panama Day 5-Lunch in VeraCrz

We had one more stop before our tour with David ended. He drove us out to VeraCruz to have lunch on the beach. VeraCruz is one of the beaches we used to go when I was a kid. Dad and I would draw letters in the sand with sticks because the tides are so crazy there. You can get up to an 18 foot tide change so you end up with a lot of real estate to play on at the right time of day. Just don't get caught when the tide comes in or you may have to swim. No swimming that day. Just fresh fish, fresh shrimp and cold Balboas!

Me and Mom back in Da Day!

 Dad and I drawing my name in the sand. 

This is what it looks like now. Pretty much the same. 

Papa Gar enjoying one last whole Corvina! He's Happier!

The infamous (to us) Hibiscus photo. I was just smelling it for a photo and mom said "take your hand away," so I took a big sniff and voila! Hibiscus Nose!

We attempted reenactment but it just didn't work out that well. 

Getting ready for my closeup!

What a wonderful day!

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Panama Day 5-Howard

This was the most surreal hour and a half of the whole trip. We made our way out to Howard Air Force Base (which is no longer an AFB) and found our old house. Just looking at the photos I get emotional all over again. Not that I broke down crying or anything but it was really weird standing in a place that holds so many memories. 

Here is me freaking out that we found it!!!

Our old Street! Coffey Avenue!

Exploring the old digs! 

This stairwell led up to the door in the kitchen. It was a little creepy so I just filmed from where I was. 
:-/ I don't do creepy.

Here we are in front of 60A Coffey Ave! 

  That "hill" behind my mom seemed so much bigger when we lived there. I remember my dog running down it and tripping, which led to a head over heels tumble that still makes me laugh when I think of it.
And that fence used to be a favorite spot for three toed sloths to hang out. 

While I don't remember this myself, I have heard the story enough times to giggle when I saw this. Seems my dad got up early one morning to take our dog Teddy Bear out for his walk and was tired so he sat down on that raised green manhole cover and the dog proceeded to pee on his foot. Goooood Morning! Heheheh

These stairs. Oh these stairs! These lead up to the front door of the house (don't thinkI didn't try that handle and would have TOTALLY gone in had it not been locked). I have such fond memories of sitting on these stairs with my friends eating tomatoes with salt, Fun Dip  lick'm sticks and probably mangos!  I also have one not so fond memory of accidentally flipping over that top railing and falling onto my back on the ground below, which again at 6 felt like about 12 stories. 

This was my bus stop. I waited here every morning for my bus to pick me up for school and every afternoon for my mom to come get me. I remember not being allowed to walk to our house and having to wait for her and as I stood here all these years later I realized how ridiculous that was. Our house was LITERALLY one house away!! It felt SO FAR when I was 6! I got quite a chuckle out of that! 

I love that they have redone the pool, as I saw a video of another family who had gone back and at that time it was all deserted and green and mossy.  This could literally have been the swim lessons I took here! I thought it was so cool that there were kids kicking away in the water when I asked to shoot a couple pics. Mom tells me stories of having to tread water forever while I swam cause I couldn't touch the bottom. And that diving board! The first time I jumped off of it I thought my heart would explode out of my chest with anxiety!


 Just amazing to see everything and be flooded with so many memories. I cannot wait til my next trip to Florida, to pull out the old photo albums. Some might think it sad to see the house crumbling and the huge hibiscus bush gone from the front yard and the movie theater that I spent so many Saturday mornings in, torn down. But the more things change the more they stay the same. In my mind it could have been worse. It could have been torn down or covered in graffiti. But it wasn't. In many ways it was exactly the same and I felt like I was 6 all over again. There's a treasure in that.