I have been working through a book on creativity the last few months, trying to let my inner artist flourish. It had been, shall we say, closeted for a while due to too much "flat on white." I have never been one to think I was a true "artist." Yes I take photos and there is art in that, but because I do not feel "gifted" at painting or drawing I always felt a little like a fraud on the creative department. It's funny too because I do have drawings from when I was younger and I have to say I think they are pretty good, so I know the ability is in there, it just has definitely not been nurtured over the years. When I visited the Brooklyn Museum a few weeks back to see the Rockwell Exhibit, I made a point of lingering in the museum after I gorged on Rockwell and found a lovely little room to sit and relax. I called it the Mushroom Forest because of the amazing fabric sculptures that had been created.
It was so quiet and calming that all I wanted to do was lay down in the middle of the floor and stare up at the ceiling. I decided that may not be completely appropriate (although not out of the question on future excursions) and instead strolled through the space. Here is a snippet of a video I shot. It's a little bit dizzying, but I can't wait to put some music to the whole thing.
I sat on one of the mushrooms and pulled out my sketch pad, again working through an exercise, and I began to draw. It was painful at first, but I kept encouraging my hands to play. I was immediately judging what was happening and had to remind myself that it wasn't for me to judge, it was for me to show up and try. Like I said, painful. And when one of the museum staff came over and peaked over my shoulder, I felt the need to defend my little drawing, explaining that I was a novice and just trying to get better. It was a weird mental/emotional day for me and I am still working on the process. But I think the process is worth the work. And with these fingers, I felt like a real artist.
Amanda and I decided to paint last night. It was very spontaneous and I am glad she just jumped up and started pulling paper out. We had such a great time. She played music and we just painted what we were hearing. It took all the pressure off of "what should I DRAW?" We painted and talked and brainstormed and our painting took on form and direction. I ended up really liking some of the stuff I did all in the name of play.
And now I can't wait to do it again. I already want to draw and paint the dress I have hanging up in my apartment. Mission, if not accomplished, definitely on my way.